Daily trials

Wow, being ill has not been fun. I went ot have a massage today and found that the flu really ravaged my body. I hope I won't be sore from the masage but I think a hot bath might help. What was I thinking to have the massage after being so ill. I have been drinking LOTS of water to help fluch the "toxins" out of my body, however I know what it will feel like tomorrow....UGH! I walked this morning...just enough to get me going. I'm going back out there and do another mile. This morning it was beautiful...nice and cool with the fan going and the sun coming up over the lake. Even though the lake has bunches of green "stuff" on the top...it still is pretty.

I'm learning to put music on my IPOD. That was a challenge..lol. I checked into getting an adapter to play my IPOD in the car. However, I can't see spending $50 right now. I'm trying to make it through the end of the month with just my paychecks...very hard. Hopefully next month will be better. I'm hoping that finances will start getting better because I don't know how I will be able to take care of the monthly bills, if not.

Well, I'm gonna go walk...wish me luck. Hopefully Toby won't try to get on again....last time he flew off the back ..lol

Today is Rachel's birthday

Wow..I feel better today. 24 hours in bed w/o food...does wonders. I don't feel 100% as yet, but that will come. Today is Rachel's birthday...she wants to go to the outlet mall. So, away we will go. I got up and walked my mile...at a very slow speed..lol. Rachel and her dad are walking the outside route. It's so nice to see them doing things. I couldn't go last night but they were together with friends. Makes it nice. Rachel said it was really loud where they had dinner so everyone couldn't really talk very well.

I think I've watched 5 or 6 movies since yesterday...and I'm movied out.

Onward and feeling better

Feeling blue

Feeling blue. I guess that kinda sums it up. I felt sick this morning, but went to work anyway. The longer I was there the worse I felt, so I left...I know that i used my *flex* time, however that is what it's for. I felt even worse becuase I left my co-worker and it's always busy on Saturday. that meant that he had double the load. I thank maybe I got food poisining...It ahd to be the salad I ate about 10pm last night.

I went to a meeting on recovery at the church last night. All by my self! It was kinda strange, but I made it. I want ot go to church tomorrow...it's Rachel's birthday and I sure want to feel good eough to do something with her. I'm missing the party tonight and I feel really bad.

Dustin sent Rachel a birthday gift...it's a really nice picture of his *son to be*. The head is very visible and the ear. My with is for them to get to the place where they can be close and love each other and appreciate each other without any expectations. After all, they will be all they have for family after their dad and I are gone. Yes, they will have their respective spouses and family like that, but blood family will be limited.

So, onward and upward for tomorrow....

Therapy at it's best

Each time I go to therapy I come away with something new...be it good or not as good. My therapist is really good with me and has had to put up with alot. I started going to see her because of all the "stuff" I had gone through within the last 4 years. Unfortunately or fortunately, however you want to view it, I am still seeing her. Dismay on both our parts. I dealt with my "younger" years a long time ago, so this is just recent *stuff*.

My son and daughter...I love them both so very much. They are both Libra's, but on different ends of the spectrum. I have been supporting my daughter for the last 3 years, the last 2 years we have lived together, as she has needed the support only a mom could give. I truly believe that she is ready to spread her wings and begin to live her life again. I'm so very proud of her and her will to survive. There were times I was scared to death she would not make it through another day, let alone the rest of her life. She is gonna make it! Yeah Lord!

My son is doing well. He got married a little over 2 years ago and they are expecting their first child. Ah.....to be Grandma....again. There is much apprehension on my part as I try to figure out if I will be a *good enough* grandma, again. I so much want the baby to be healthy and I know that "mom" is going to stay home with him...as soon as she is able. I pray for his 10 fingers and 10 toes to be perfect and he be as healthy as a horse...just like his dad is now. I pray no allergies to confuse his little body, as it did his dad's. He is going to be very special to everyone, especially his Aunt. She looks forward to having him get here.

Therapy is working, as I am able to be happy about the baby and not cry and hurt inside. I know I will always hurt for my other grandbaby...I loved her so very much, but I believe this is a new start for a new beginning of the rest of my life. Just think...A daughter who is going to become a whole, healed person and a new baby...I love them all...they will never know how much...